~exclusiVeness not fOund.. elSewhEre~

2005-03-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a break from the life i have been leading for a long time.
i went out with her girl.
her name is joan.

She's really nice company and i enjoyed myself lots. i want to tell you what we did and how much fun we had but i cant. i have to help joan keep her secret. But i really enjoyed myself.

magic tricks

2005-01-18T17:39:00.001+08:00

ever played with sparkle? seen it fizzle out?
what about the almost instantaneous dying out of a flame.
that's just how my determination to study hard died.
instantaneously.
just like that. *boom*

kinda reminds me of magic tricks we used to be so amazed by when i was young. of how rabbits and what nots can just appear n disappear like that. *puff*
well, not surprising to me now anymore.
i m my own magician now. i can make intangible things disappear.
wow. aint i just better than the world's magician or something?. hah.

only problem is, i cant seem to make it re-appear.
and that's big trouble.
gotta buck up, stop fooling around thinking that i've got all the time in the world coz i dont.
and that better get thru my skull soon!

magic tricks

2005-01-18T17:39:00.000+08:00

2005-01-17T10:08:00.000+08:00

Argh!
the dreadful time of my life is coming- the exams!!!!
my preparation-close to 0%,
haven started doing anything yet. i guess the only things that i did was listening in class some of the times, and doing that miserably 2 assignments per unit.
and oh, that could so probably enable me to pass my exams.

i need to do more than that. but starting to study after slacking for almost half a year isnt exactly easy, not to mention that the half year that i was working before school started.

i need discipline. focus. determination.
i thank you for giving me that. for the constant reminder for the need to study. for so willingly sacrificing the time that we could have spent together (opportunity cost or sth i learnt in econs). and i'm grateful for that.

looking forward to the post-exam period though. 17 weeks of freedom. think i wanna go on a holiday with joan or sth. shall start saving up n studying hard.

goodbye 2004

2004-12-30T20:43:00.000+08:00

i've been bugged.
bugged to blog.
havent been blogging in for a long time as i've been realli busy.

school, assignments, christmas, work, him
wonder how i managed to juggle them all. i know. i've neglected some. school for one is something that i've neglected. *oops*

chirstmas is over. and soon will the year. i'm glad that the musical was good. the turnout was great. my dad was there!

havent been concentrating on my schoolwork for sometime. since kl. need to catch up on my work. lagging behind. exams are coming soon. gotta get my act together. no more time to play arnd. need to get serious with my work. not much time left. i want to do well. i need to do well, learnt my lesson with the 'A's. this is my last chance to do well. still upset about the results of my last exams. after uni, don't have much exams after that. new year new resolution. only problem is sticking to my resolution...

simplicity comes from within

2004-11-07T00:21:00.000+08:00

i hate you. okay. i take that back. i don't hate you. hate is too strong a word.
but i don't like the way you're making me feel. i feel so torn between. torn between to extreme feelings that i don't know how to feel and i don't know what am i feeling.
if only feelings could be defined. then you would know how to feel and what you're supposed to be feeling at any particular point in time. then ppl would feel like i feel now would cease to exist.

there are so many things that i want to know. so many things that i would love to see unravel before my very eyes. but sadly, things dont usually happen the way i want them to. coz if they do, then i won't be human.
i sometimes wonder if i m taking things into my own hands and if i am presuming too much, hoping that events will fall into place the way i would like for them to be.
guess life is a simple thing, only to be confused n be made to look messy by humans and emotions. if only i didnt have such feelings. life and things would be so much more simple

2004-11-03T23:12:00.000+08:00

been almost a month since i updated my blog. guess its been pretty stagnant. so now, time to liven things up arnd here!
and so much has happened i really don't know where or how to start. so this might probably be a really long fragmented entry.

through it all, i've learnt not to underestimate time.
amazing things can happen in a short span of time. things we never thought could happen. i've experienced it. still suffering from post-event syndrome. emotions running high, excitement , fear, exhiliration, joy, uncertain, amazement and the list goes on...
i just cant believed that it happened. and in such a short span of time too. but then again, many things that happen are just so unexpected. guess we always have to be prepared for the unexpected.

just thought of something:
time is something that we take for granted in our lives. we think that we're still young and that the road ahead of us is so long and straight, we won't see the end for a loooooooooooong time. but at this time and age, things are so uncertain, we really never know what could happen. so i guess we should really live our lives well.

i went to nus that day. there was this overwhelming sense of sadness and regret. immediate thoughts that ran through me were 'if only this was my school', ' if only i had worked harder' etc
i realli thought i was over it. i thought that i could jus get on with life without feeling upset all over again. but i guess i was wrong. indeed, time is needed to heal wounds. all kinds of wounds.

then there's this sudden rekindling of passion between me n joan. not realli sudden and it has been on for a few months already. cant realli explain what happened also. but since we parted in jc. we werent that close anymore. but since this year, there's this sudden revival of some sort. not sure why. kinda thought that when school started, we would drift apart again, but i'm realli glad we din. if you ask me, i think we're even closer than before.

thoughts. running through my head, running through my mind.....

fellowship

2004-10-09T23:26:00.000+08:00

today we had a combined young adults gathering. it was not quite what i expected.
maybe that's why we are now called young adults. we were able to mingle arnd rather well. the people were nice. they took plates for us. may seem like a simple gesture but i guess its realli nice of them to do it. like they say, its the thoughts that count. and so we played taboo.
Leah n Noah are soooooooooooooooooo cute n adorable. couldnt stop saying that n when i played with them , their childish innocence n shyness made them even cuter!!
all in all, i'm quite glad i went. guess it was realli a good chance to fellowship!

huNger

2004-10-09T13:54:00.000+08:00

during cell group, diana shared that you would never know the meaning of happiness untill you're sad. i totally agree with her. i had an experience that shed light of a similar idea ytd. you never truly appreciate food till you're faced with hunger.
i guess everyone feels hungry at some point of time in the course of each day. but ytd was one of the rare occassion that i experienced extreme hunger. i had a light breakfast in the morning and only had lunch at my aunts place. on my way there. i could feel my body weight lighten due to an empty stomach. i felt so weak. could hardly wait to reach her hse. but i had to buy lunch first. it took me so much effort to walk. when i could finally eat, i realised that my hands were shaking from hunger.

maybe such an experience brings out the gratefulness and thankfulness in me. nowadays food supply is abundant so no one realli appreciates in. but now, i thank God for food and how He has blessed us in this way.. ")

sick

2004-10-04T21:30:00.000+08:00

joan fell sick. and so did i. isnt it so coincidental.
both of us are down with the flu n cough. and we haven met for a week.

i hate the feeling of being sick. feel so weak n cant seem to do anything properly. probably the only thing that i can do and do well is SLEEP. but i've been sleeping so much i jus lie awake sometimes in e wee hrs making myself go to slp so that i wun feel too uncomfortable. quite sad.. jus hate being sick. hope that i get well soon.

F-U-N

2004-09-28T01:43:00.000+08:00

jus got home not too long ago frm 'supper' with my jj frens. i had so much fun. its been a REAL long time since i last enjoyed myself this much, perharps excluding the time spent with joan.
we were supposed to meet for supper but ended up not eating anything. what we did eat or rather drink was 10 glasses of sugar cane juice n loads of fun. it was real funny with them challenging drinking up e juice n even chewing the ice. i had lotsa fun jus looking. obviously when it was my turn to compete, i burst out laughing halfway. it was jus too hilarious.
my funny bone never ceases to be tickled by them whenever i m out with them. they are such a funny bunch of ppl. guess its been too long since i last went out with them that i realli miss those times that we spent together in jj. the ppl that brightened up my life there. before knowing them, i think my social life in school was close to zero. but they well, lets jus say they have a way of opening me up. besides, they dont care who you are. they take you for who you are, tell u about ur shortcomings and tease you about it. there is so much freedom when i m with them i can realli be myself instead of hiding behind some mask.
jus miss those days i had.. wish they could come back again but i guess they never will......

2004-09-27T19:39:00.000+08:00

my heart is still racing at the thought of what happened. is it an answered prayer? part of God's awesome plan? i really don't know. but i trust this to God's hands, knowing that whatever happens, He will prepare me for it so that i would be able to see it through.

should i ?

2004-09-23T13:35:00.000+08:00

its the time of the year. the period when every panics, regretting not putting enough effort in earlier days, hoping that there would be more than 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week.
cafes, fast food restaurants are packed with ppl- ppl busy mugging for the much dreaded days.

but here i m. only 2 mths into school n a great contrast to them. even uni ppl are packed with projects.
is there a better time then this ? to be undisturbed in the midst? i should and ought to make use of this peace i have...

lost for words

2004-09-20T20:24:00.000+08:00

realised that i have ceased blogging for quite some time already.
truth is, many times i attempted to but seem so lost for words.

life has been busy. busy doing this and that.
so many things, so little time, so little discipline.

so many things, so many commitments, so many obligations

2004-09-06T18:44:00.000+08:00

discipline. enthusiasm. perserverence. where are they? lost in the deep dark woods i guess.
the hols are here. with dimishing interest n discipline to study. maybe coz schools so like OTOT (own time own target), no one realli bothers whether you turn up or do your work. you are like ENCOURAGED to attend lectures and tests so in preparation for the final examinations!!!!
i need to do my work. i know leaving it to the last minute will not result in anything other then panic and laziness. i ought to be doing my work right now. this very minute.

but with so many things going through my head, its hard to concentrate. i need concentration. m i getting myself involved with too many things? i dun think its those that are distracting me. i still have plenty of time .. maybe its me thinking of stuff, stuffs about e past, present, future..
weird huh me. but i like to think, imagine, fantasize, live in a world of my own. there, things are nice and peaceful with no bad eggs (pun intended: rotten ppl & eggs that cause bird flu). kinda like the song : what a wonderful world. if only the world was a nicer place, i would so love it.

ULCERS

2004-09-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

haix. poor me. have to suffer coz of 3 small minute holes on my lips. imagine the agony that i have been living with over the past week. with all e suffering, lack of food, water n excessive emotions. so if i had offended you, you know i din mean it. it was the ulcers..
Look at the passage i found. especially those that i highlighted. thankfully i only have 3 instead of 20.. :

Mouth ulcers, also called canker sores, aphthous stomata and recurrent aphthous stomatitis, mostly occur on the inner cheek, inner lip, tongue, soft palate, floor of the mouth, and sometimes the throat. They are usually about 3-5mm in diameter - though sometimes significantly larger, and often appear 2 or 3 at a time - though sometimes there can be 10-20 or more.

They often seem start by themselves as a small bubble or blister (this stage is easy to not notice) which then becomes an open and ulcerated pit or crevass when the pain really starts. Alternatively they can be started by trauma to the lining of the mouth (e.g. by accidently biting onesself).
The worst thing about mouth ulcers is the pain that they cause, which is constant, excruciating and made worse by eating, drinking and talking. The picture of the homunculus that you may recall from schooldays shows how very sensitive the mouth and tongue are compared to most other parts of the body - which explains the amount of discomfort caused by something so small.
Severe ulcers cause sufferers to actively avoid eating, drinking, talking, kissing and some sexual acts, which can be awkward socially. Speech is painful resulting in a loss of clarity or enunciation - and sometimes spitting, which doesn't help. Sufferers often get worn down by the pain and become fatigued and depressed, and so I have been told, irritable too.

adapted from:http://www.mouthulcers.org/intro.html

DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT YOU

2004-09-01T18:54:00.000+08:00

Can you leave me here alone now
I dont wanna hear you say
That you know me
That I should be always doin what you say
Cause Im tryin' to get through today
And there's one thing I know

-Chorus-
I dont wanna think about you
or think about me
Dont wanna figure this out
I dont wanna think about you
or think about nothin'
Dont wanna talk this one out
I won't let you bring me down'cause I know,
I don't wanna think about you,
don't wanna think about you
When I wake up here tomorrow
Things will never be the same
Cause I won't wait
Cause you won't change
And you'll always be this way
Now I'm gonna get through today
And there's one thing I know

-Chorus-
I dont wanna think about you
or think about me
Dont wanna figure this out
I dont wanna think about you
or think about nothin'
Dont wanna talk this one out
This time I won't let you bring me down
Won't let you shut me out'
This time I know,
I don't wanna think about you

Run away, run away,
running as fast as I can
Run away, run away, I
'll never come back here again
Run away, run away
(I don't wanna think about youor think about me
Dont wanna figure this out
I don't wanna think about youor think about me
Dont wanna talk this one out)

-Chorus-
I don't wanna think about you
or think about me
Dont wanna figure this out
I don't wanna think about you
or think about nothin'
Dont wanna talk this one out
This time I won't let you bring me down
Won't let you shut me out'
This time I know, I don't wanna think about you,
Run away, run away ,
I dont wanna think about you
Run away, run away ,
I dont wanna think about you
Run away, run away ,
I dont wanna think about you
Run away, run away.....

niTe liFe

2004-08-31T12:32:00.000+08:00

why does the nite affect me so much? why do i get emotional surges at nite?

i want to know but i don't. do i really feel that way or is it just a mirage of my fantasy. so many thoughts running through my mind, i cant pen it down.

maybe i REALLY do feel that way, but when morning comes, e hectic lifestyles overwhelms, forcing me to push aside such thoughts, thus appearing insignificant.

or maybe morning comes and i just want to continue sleeping.
but nite life is interesting. not just out in clubs and town. even at home. maybe it is more interesting at home when events of such significance happens that you are more wowed by it. it is something that i cant figure out till now. especially when unexpected events happen. events that i have dreamt of happening and finally it does. events that makes me feel like i m living in a fantasy. why do they happen at nite.
probably such is the wonder of life. leaving me in total awe, amazement and bewilderment as my heart beat quickens at the thought of what happened....

feElinGs

2004-08-26T15:45:00.000+08:00

exhiliration.pure joy.total uplift.euphoria.
bleak.teary-eyed.heavyhearted.

how different can these 2 sets of feelings get. but it was how i felt in the span of 2 hours.
jacksons departure. gloomy. an experience on a truck. unprecedented. (to me at least)

he will be back. but why was e atmosphere so downcast.emotions ran high. swollen eyes from those within 1m radius of him when he said farewell. adieus.

WOW. stars in e expanse of e sky. moving lights. moving houses. alabama-like road. sensational. an encounter with WIND not BREEZE as you 'glide' through the roads.

how can a person experience 2 such extreme feelings?
why does my pictures not show on my blog?

JESUS IS THE ANSWER

2004-08-19T13:46:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. feeling rather bored. maybe it aint that good to have so few days of school.. making me feel lazy to. anyway, was surfing e net for songs when i found this. Dont really noe how to sing it but found the words rather meaningful.
So , to those out there: Remember, in all turn to Him for He is the answer.

Jesus is the answer for the world today.

Above him there's no other

Jesus is the way

Jesus is the answer for the world today.

Above him there's no other.

Jesus is the way

If you have some questions in the corners of your mind,

Traces of discouragement and peace you cannot find,

Reflections of your past seem to face you every day,

But this one thing I do know:

Jesus is the way.

I know you've got mountains that you think you cannot climb.

I know your skies are dark, you think the sun won't shine.

In case you don't know, but the Word of God is true.

And ev'rything He's promised, He will do it for you.

GUYS!

2004-08-17T20:41:00.000+08:00

sitting on e floor in sch during lesson today. can u believe it? i've never done that in my entire jc career, n jus into e 3rd week of school here n i get a whole new experience of sitting on e floor in a lect/consultation. where have all e gentlemanly spirit gone? shldn't e guys let us girls sit on e chairs? hello. wad have u all learnt. maybe spending too much time with guys only in NS tt thet forgot that girls existed.
wad actually happened was that today was supposed to be a consultation n well, being e first consultation class, not many ppl knew that u din have to go unless u have like questions to ask or sth. so, there was 'overwhelming response' like e woman said n there were too many ppl with too little seats. sadly. n those who din have a place were asked to leave n wait for e consultation in 1 hr's time. meaning, instead of 2 hrs, we only had like 1 hr. but wads e point of waiting jus to get a seat when i went to school jus for that 2 hrs, or rather 1 hr. total waste of my time.

but well, i'm realli glad that i have school now. i like school. must study hard this time round. cannot be like my As. work hard n still have fun, not forgetting God. yep, my new mission statement or sth. haha.. sounds like i m a school.. but still..

2004-08-16T19:10:00.000+08:00

oh how my heart aches when i yearn...

yesterday n tomorrow

2004-08-15T22:35:00.000+08:00

why m i still holding on to e past?
holding on to things i noe i shld let go
things that can never be again.

it seems like jus yesterday,
though it was years ago
but i still cant let go

LORD, You know my desire
Yet i know not Your will
reveal to me Lord
help me through the pain

Help me to slowly let go LORD
of what was of the past

And Lord, i commit my tomorrows to You:

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
And I don't borrow from the sunshine
'Cause the skies might turn to grey.

And I don't worry about the future,
'Cause I know what Jesus said,
And today I'm gonna walk right beside him
'Cause he's the one who knows what is ahead.

There are things about tomorrow
That I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

And each step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb.
And every burden is getting lighter
And all the clouds, their silver line.

And, I'll bet the sun it's always shining
And no tears will ever dim the eye
And the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains, they touch the sky.

There are many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
Yes I know who holds my hand.

FOOD for thoughts

2004-08-12T13:13:00.000+08:00

m i a pig or wad? ate so much yesterday.. haha.. but then again, i always do that when i m out with joan. or maybe i jus eat alot. yep. ytd went to sentosa n i m now slightly tanner. no sun so we were jus playing in e water n toking nonsense. here's wad i did:
morning: wake up -> EAT
afternoon: went to sentosa.
arrived at e beach -> set up our stuff ->EAT ->play ->EAT -> play ->pack up ->EAT
late afternoon: left sentosa -> arrival at habourfront ->EAT -> went Funan -> EAT
nite time: came home n drink soup

haiz.. noticed how much i eat?

n since i ate so much, guess my brain needs some food too.. FOOD FOR THOUGHTS:
all e things of e past. seems so fun when i was still so innocent. things that we did seems so childish looking back now. things that ought not be done, things that should have been done better. too late for regrets. hard to forget even though u noe u shld forget some. the hurt. the pain. the fun. the sadness. why did we all insist on growing up so quickly when we were having such fun. n the irony of all is that we thought there would be more fun to come.

post race trauma

2004-08-10T19:17:00.000+08:00

*ouch* jus realised how old i've become. old with dysfunctional body. jus one day of activities that would not hurt me e slightest bit last time now causes my body to ache like nv before. haiz. but then again, its not like i dun exercise or wad. probably jus not as active as i used to be. miss those days when i would run about n have lotsa fun. ever since i had to work...
yep. on Monday we had e GREAT AMAZING RACE 2004. nope. we din travel round the world much as i hope we could. we only travelled round e western side of Singapore n already i was so exhausted. starting point of e race was at Andrew's house. yep. was paired up with annabel n audrey. basically we travelled alot, ran alot had LOTSA fun. yep. n now i m paying e price of e fun- body ache. but i guess it was all worth it. well. maybe e pain is not tt bad jus tt too long nv feel such discomfort.

a source of inspiration n something i've learnt during e amazing race
PSALMS 23
psalm of david

the LORD is my shepherd, i shall not be in want
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet water
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.
Even though i walk through
the valley of the shadow of death,
i will fear no evil
for You are with me,
Your rod and Your staff
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies
You annoint my head with oil
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the presence of the LORD forever.

mechanical life

2004-08-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

talk about machine revolution. my blog has gone mad n this faceless brainless thing has somehow rearranged wad was supposed to be my blog. so now it looks kinda weird i guess. yepx, jus watched "I,ROBOT" today with joan coz she had free movie passes. heard tt it was a nice show but p10 only rated it with 2.5 stars outa 5 but yep. the show was nice. lotsa unexpected twist which is good i guess n yep *sneeze* i'm allergic to bullshit.. muahaha.. kinda tot that sunny was evil n but turned out he was nice. guess that e women would not inject e thing inside him though. best was when i tot sunny would turn against them but e *wink* between them worked. haha. bonding i guess. nice show on e whole i would say.. oops. seems like i m some movie critic or sth.

sometimes, i jus wonder at e frailty of life. of existence. why do ppl create robots or even want to? wats the point? like are they trying to be god or sth? was its with "artificial procreation"? or should it even be called procreation in e first place? robots, clones.. maybe soon we'll live in a world with more non-human beings than us, homo sapiens. imagine. someday i wake up n instead shout," Aminah! help me get ready for school/work" and some MONOTONOUS voice replies "Yes Mum" n all i see is metal. cant imagine. isnt there already e controversy of children being lazy n not helping themselves but having too much reliance on maids? well, it jus aint those children's fault that their parents emply maids to help them n expect the maid to do all while their children n being served? their parents r hoping for e same thing too rite? isnt that ppl want to invent robots n more machinery. ok. maybe i am being abit cynical here but guess thats wad e nite does to me. arouse my sentiments n emotions. guess that wad robots wun understand huh!

BACK TO SCHOOL

2004-08-02T18:36:00.000+08:00

wad a way to start e day n my uni life career. first morning of school n it was raining so heavily. IF ONLY i din had school, i could have snuggled up in bed n slept e whole day or sth. imagine how comfortable that would be. but NO. i had school. first day of school with no frens. only lotsa encouragements. but sometimes, encouragements jus arent enough. but well. school din turn out that bad i suppose. i was so nervous though. So happy when i saw Valerie and Samantha at the bus stop. they were waiting for someone else. hmm.. although we had different lessons, it was still rather cool seeing someone i noe to start it off.. but when i went into the LT. i was all ALONE. jus me. i sat ALONE. i was sitting next to e centre aisle and e seat on my other side was empty. then i thought i saw this girl frm my call centre job. she seemed to be with a friend though. but class had already started. it wasnt that bad when class started i guess coz everyone was bz listening. but then break came. i was ALONE. thankfully, this girl, Valerie Tan, frm my call centre saw me. turned out she din realli noe the girl. so we chatted through e 20 min break. after e break, i kinda migrated to sit with her. then it made me realise that there was no difference whether you have any frens or not coz everyones listening. only difference is that there's someone with you during break time. yepz. school wasnt that bad after all. quite fun i would say. we started late today n ended early so yah, lect was like about 2 hrs only instead of being 3. hmm.. but fri, no frens still. but there's hope. this jc fren of mine hasnt got her timetable but she has lesson on fri. so hope its e same lect... yah.. den tmr have to go school again to buy e textbooks. so heavy n expensive. wonder if its even useful! yea.. kinda miss e feeling of going to school. tot i would slp in e lect coz its 3 hrs, but turned out rather interesting n i like it.. well.. next lesson is on Friday, hope that it will turn out jus as fine!

reminiscing e past: diaries

2004-07-30T22:09:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!!!! my entry got eaten up. by wad? this faceless, brainless thing that i m using: a computer. rather ironic as in my previous entry i started w sth like: 'hmm.. technology is so advanced now..' if its that advanced, why did it eat up my entry. but then again, cant realli blame it. its brainless.
yah, as i was jus saying, i was finally cleaning my room when i found 2 of my diaries. (1) written by my DAD. YES, my dad. it was written by him as me during my childhood. like when i was 2 to 3 years old. rather cool to read it. cant realli remember alot of e stuffs but there are some that i remember and some of the stuffs he pasted inside do look vaguely familiar.. so interestin to read about a period of my life when i have little/no memory of. haha. (2) a diary of mine written by me this time when i was in sec 3/4. had so much fun reading it. all e memories jus came back to me. sweet memories, funny events, sad ones and not to mention all e upseting ones. but it was realli nice to read those events again. make me feel like a child again, doing all those foolish things.. *blush* but seriously, those bittersweet memories seems like yesterday when i read them. hmmm.. i guess i should have kept a diary during my jc life. there would definitely be more laughter, fun, love, agony, pain n hurt that i would love to reminisce in my later years. well. all they are now are jus floating islands in a vast empty pool of blood in my brain.
guess nothing beats actually writing out your feelings. there are after all some things that jus aint for e public eye if u get wad i mean. like there would be somethings n feelings that i have even right now that i m not exactly eager for the whole world to have access to. then makes me wonder, y do i get a blog in e first place?! weird huh!
anyways, so i decided that i would start keeping a diary again! hope it would last n not be something that would jus fade with time. but its a good time to start, considering that school's starting, there would be lotsa feelings that i m feeling/have felt/would feel n not to mention ppl that i would meet n events that would happen.haha..

new kid on e block!

2004-07-27T21:46:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. this is my last week of freedom. going back to sch next week. why does that make me feel like a whirlwind? fear, anxiety, excitement r jus some of e feelings that seem to be going through me. haiz.

new ppl . new sch. new teacher. new environment. old me. how do we fit?
i dun even noe anyone in sch. kinda like a 'new kid on e block' feeling. jus hate this kind of feeling.

hmmm. realli hope i dun feel left out n stuff. haiz...

MAKE THE BEST OUT OF YOUR LIVES

2004-07-22T11:43:00.000+08:00

dedicated to those who think their lives r screwed up. Don't be. u can make a difference in YOUR live. SEEK God out. MAKE THE BEST OUT OF YOUR LIVES instead of sitting n thinking that you have a screwed up live. that won't solve e problem. =)

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've gotta believe that
There's a reason we're here
Yeah, there's a reason we're here

CHORUS:
'Cause these are the DAYS WORTH LIVIN'
These are the YEARS WE'RE GIVEN
And these are the MOMENTS
These are the times
Let's make the BEST OUT OF OUR LIVES

See the truth all around
Our faith can be broken
And our hands can be bound
But open our hearts and fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?

'Cause these are the days worth livin'
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
'Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

We can't go on
Thinking it's wrong
To speak our minds
I've gotta let out what's inside

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Can we get it right?
Yeah, well can we get it right?

'Cause these are the days worth livin'
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
These are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

(fade to end)

freedOm oNce moRe!

2004-07-21T09:25:00.000+08:00

yeAh! i'm finally free again! jus came back from work. so tired n hungry. din slp e whole nite. now gonna get my BEAUTY SLEEP. something that is well deserved!no more suffering. jus pure joy till school starts! yeah!

talK abOut reAson..

2004-07-17T00:51:00.000+08:00

ARGH!! i jus hate him! so unreasonable n irritating! Anyhow scold me for no reason n make it seem like i was in e wrong! u asked me how long i was gonna take to find e battery, how would i noe rite? like it depends on if i can find e person. anyways, i told u that i would do it asap n u claim that i was talking back to you. Its not like if it was someone else i would not have said the same things. n although i dislike u in e first place, when i said those words, there was NOT A SINGLE TINGE OF DISRESPECT OR WANTING TO TALK BACK. it was jus a casual comment. maybe it was to e wrong person n in e wrong tone. but there was no need for u to hurl vulgaraties at me! in my entire lifetime, no one ever hurled any vulgaraties n me n meant it like he did. imagine all e emotional hurt i would have to face! if i had known that u would be temporarily transferred there, i would not have gone back to help for e inventory! cant stand u. n in case u have not realised it, so does majority of e ppl in e store. Jus because u r fierce ppl act like they respect u in front of u but u nv hear e things that i get to hear about u! so stop decieving urself n thinking that u r well respected. Respect has to be earned, not forced! n so wad if u improve store sales, no one would remember you for that in 1-2 years time. But ppl will emember other managers who have impacted our lives n taught us lessons. As for u, i'll probably jus remember you as an unreasonable, demanding, self-righteous guy! =P

enough about tt guy-my unreasonable, demanding, self-righteous manager in case u still dunno who i was refering to. I got my timetable! its so cool. wanted to post it up to let u ppl see how cool it is n to make u ppl jealous.. but cant seem to access e webbie now. will post it some other time. but in short, i only attend sch for like 3 days a week for e first month or so.. hee hee.. jealous? cant wait for school to start n to get out off all this office politics stuff! argh!!!!!!

2 more days till i end work n still counting.....

wad's e point of working?!

2004-07-13T09:23:00.000+08:00

hmm. working SUX n i TOTALLY regret goIng to work. although so far i've only worked 3 days! (tue, fri & sat) ya, din go work ytd coz i was sick. stayed n home n kinda morphed into a pig in e afternoon. slpt e whole day. n today when i suppossed to b working i'm still at home. rotting. how i hate to work. but i dun realli have a choice. cant wait for next wk when i end my job.

mEan girLs...

2004-07-08T18:23:00.000+08:00

jUz wAtchEd MEAN GIRLS today. wAd a mEanIe show it iS. but itS reAlli nICe. go cAtch it pPl. Juz a thoUght afTer e moVie: wAd iF unI tuRns ouT like tHAt? wAd if pPl r reAl mEan tO me? wiLl i bE humIliaTed n sUfFer in e dUngeOn of eMbarassmEnt oR wiLl i bE diAgonOsed wiTh meaNigitis n bE mEan lIke all wHO suFfer e sAme fate aNd eveNtUalli diE a MEAN CRUEL DEATH....or maYbe i'll jUs decompoSe fiRst? hOpe noNe of tHese will hAPpen tO me. i'm youNG n i wANna eNjoy sChool. or at lEast liVe thrOUgh it peAcefUlly. yepx. maybe that is MORE than ONE thought. heex

Yah, also weNt k-bOx aNd guess wad? all e EnGlish soNgs we sAng, (whiCh is liKe alMOst e only sOngs we sAng) haD piRated MTV. e MTVs loOked lIKe tHey wEre taKen oN sOMeone's hoLiday n noT reALli reCent too.. so evil...

yah, n rEceNtly hAd beEn tHinkIng alOt aBouT my lIfe. pAst, fUtuRe, pReseNt. sad MemorIes, hAppy oNEs, loVing onEs, heArtbreAking ones, tHriLling ones, dAngeRous onEs... wOndeRIng iF i've actUalli waSted my yOuth doIng noNsense. coZ soon, i'll bE a yOUth no MOre..

sAd liFe: seLf impOsEd toRture. hoW stUpid cAn i gEt?!!

2004-07-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

YEAH!! i got into e course that i wanted... realli thrilled but at e same time i guess i'm rather numb about it also.. n i wonder why.. yesterday was my first day of work n this morning woke up with my body aching. tell me about being old w brittle bones!!
enJoyed myself so muCh today i reaLly regRet goiNg back to woRk but i'm seriousLy broke. Monday was Shiwei's bdae so we celebrated with hEr toDay. wEnt to SAKAE SUSHI to eat buffet. so nice all e diff sushi we eat.. n den coz we still have our studenT pAss, e lAdy charGed us aS studeNts. but feel kiNda evil.. bUt e foOd waS reAl goOd.. anywayx, i wAtched spIderMan on Mon.. so nice..i simPly LOVE e show! so farNie..
dEn tMr gOing K-Box to sing coz jOan leaving for Aussie sOon n wuN havE aNy moRe chaNce to go out fOR e nexT 2 wKs wiTh her..saddenInGx.
seE so mUch fUn. jUs at e tiMe whEn liFe coulD have beEn fUn, i STUPIDLY TORTURED MYSELF!! n how? by goiNg to woRk.. quiTe sad huh..n i m alReady reGretTIng it!!
anywayx, cant rmb which day whEn i sEnt a fwd msg to this frIend of mIne thAt i hAve yeT to coNtact foR a lOng tiMe. so cOol hUH.. he's in NS now. n yEs, he's a guy in case u sTill dIn reAlise..

bInded by cHains once mOre, frEedom onCe thEre, now puff its gone!!!

2004-07-05T13:59:00.000+08:00

hAix.. my days of rotting n fInally oVer. for e next 2 weeks at least. Joan (my hangout partner) is going to Aussie w her JC fren, cruelly leaving ME behind to rot alone. plus e FACT that i m TOTALLY BROKE. i decided to get a JOB!! hardly entertaining, but under such circumstance, i guess i have no choice.. yEpx.. quite saddeNingx..
anYwayx, i m going back to my first job! @ Toys 'R' Us.. coz inventory coming so they need PEOPLE.. but its not bad coz only shoRt term.. like 2 weeks. hmm.. maybe it aInt tt SHORT after all.. but Joan will be goNe for abt e same periOd of time.. n when she's back.. we can boTh PLAY like MAd befORe e dreadful schooL staRts.. n i wuN be tHat broke. *grinz*

BUT den again, maybe it isnt soooooooooo bad for schooL to sTaRt.. kiNda lOokinG foRwarD to iT. witH nEw kInda liFe n nEw fRens. yeAH! but theRe goEs my Freedom. which is sadDening. i'll be like a Jailbird. except my jail is larger. encompases sch & home. imagine this:

(EARLY morning)wake up -> go schoOl -> studY -> eat -> (LATE nite) back to my tiny jail to slp

how sad can life get huh?

A SIMPLE LIFE

2004-07-03T11:20:00.000+08:00

lIfe? whAts thAt? my life is juz a routine: "wake up -> eat -> rot -> watch tv/go out -> eat again -> watch tv -> slp" tell me about a SIMPLE LIFE. mAybe i should feature a singapore version of e simple life on air. n it'll be so simple n boring everyone will fall asleep watching n hearing my simple life story.
ever since i stopped working n started rotting, my life has lost its meaning, but then again, i wonder if there was any meaning in all previous idiot-proof job of answering calls... *ponders*

ya, recv'ed a letter frm SIM today abt one of e courses i applied. no intention of taking it up though, jus one of e "to-b-on-e-safe-side" courses tt i applied. typical singaporean huh?! well, still awaiting for e other course tt i hope to get in: Accounting & Finance. But till sch starts, guess i'll be rotting n leading a SIMPLE LIFE......

~exclusiVeness not fOund.. elSewhEre~

magic tricks

magic tricks

goodbye 2004

simplicity comes from within

fellowship

huNger

sick

F-U-N

should i ?

lost for words

ULCERS

DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT YOU

niTe liFe

feElinGs

JESUS IS THE ANSWER

GUYS!

yesterday n tomorrow

FOOD for thoughts

post race trauma

mechanical life

BACK TO SCHOOL

reminiscing e past: diaries

new kid on e block!

MAKE THE BEST OUT OF YOUR LIVES

freedOm oNce moRe!

talK abOut reAson..

wad's e point of working?!

mEan girLs...

sAd liFe: seLf impOsEd toRture. hoW stUpid cAn i gEt?!!

bInded by cHains once mOre, frEedom onCe thEre, now *puff* its gone!!!

A SIMPLE LIFE

bInded by cHains once mOre, frEedom onCe thEre, now puff its gone!!!